The Character of the Bible God

 

Christians claim that the bible teaches a God of love. I honestly wish that that was true, but sadly it is not what the bible actually teaches. The true character of God is clearly revealed in his supposed “Word”.

 

Let’s start with Genesis Chapter 3, the story of the Fall of Man. While it is true that it is mythical in nature, the story does not reflect well on God at all.

 

Genesis 3:1-24 Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made.  And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden. And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked?  Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done?  And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

 

Adam and Eve munch on the Forbidden Fruit. We are not told if it was an apple, banana, or perhaps a watermelon. Hey, if there can be a talking snake and magic trees then there can be a watermelon in this story.

 

God gets angry and starts punishing folks.

 

Genesis 3:14 – And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

 

Dust is not very nutritious. Why do snakes still exist?

 

Genesis 3:15 – And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

 

God makes childbirth an agonizingly painful process.

 

Genesis 3:17 – And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

 

God makes farming and eating a pain in the ass.

 

Genesis 3:18 – Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;

 

God genetically alters plants to purposely torture us. We can eat marijuana but smoking it is forbidden.

 

Genesis 3:19 – In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

 

We have to work up an appetite and then we can eat. We are informed that we are nothing but dust and god can do whatever the hell he wants to with us.

 

Genesis 3:20 – And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

 

Why go to the trouble of making skins? Why didn’t god just zap them into existence? Heck, if he can make a universe and a world just by speaking a powerful magical spell from Nowhere then coats of skin ought to be easy! He could just grunt or fart or something.

 

Genesis 3:22 – And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:

 

God is hallucinating or on drugs or something. There is supposedly only one god, but man is become as one of “us”, not one of “me”. God denies us the ability to live forever. Glory! What a wonderful god!

 

Genesis 3:23 – Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

 

God drives them out of the Garden of Eden for good as a show of his love for us.

 

Okay, now we skip on ahead in the Old Testament and continue exploring God’s loving character.

 

Exodus 22:24 – And my wrath shall wax hot, and I will kill you with the sword; and your wives shall be widows, and your children fatherless.

 

That sounds like the actions of an emotionally stable and loving god, doesn’t it? Glory!
Leviticus 20:16 – And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

Bestiality is disgusting, yes, but the Death Penalty seems a bit extreme!

Deuteronomy 5:17 – Thou shalt not kill.

 

Then, the loving God of the bible commands killing and slaughter and genocide throughout much of the Old Testament.

Numbers 31:17 – Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

 

More killing, but be sure to save the virgins.

1 Samuel 2:6 – The LORD killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up.

 

Well, at least he admits his murderous nature.

 

Here is quite a bit more of the atrocities committed, commanded, or approved of by the loving god of the bible:

 

God kills men and animals on a massive scale in Egypt:

 

Exodus 9:22-25 – 22 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand toward the sky so that hail will fall all over Egypt-on men and animals and on everything growing in the fields of Egypt.” 23 When Moses stretched out his staff toward the sky, the Lord sent thunder and hail, and lightning flashed down to the ground. So the Lord rained hail on the land of Egypt; 24 hail fell and lightning flashed back and forth. It was the worst storm in all the land of Egypt since it had become a nation. 25 Throughout Egypt hail struck everything in the fields-both men and animals; it beat down everything growing in the fields and stripped every tree.

 

God kills all of the firstborn children in Egypt:

 

Exodus 12:29 At midnight the Lord struck down all the firstborn in Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the firstborn of the prisoner, who was in the dungeon, and the firstborn of all the livestock as well.

 

God orders the slaughter of the Amalekites:

 

Exodus 17:8-16 The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. 9 Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands.”
10 So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. 11 As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. 12 When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up-one on one side, one on the other-so that his hands remained steady till sunset. 13 So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.
14 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven.”
15 Moses built an altar and called it The Lord is my Banner. 16 He said, “For hands were lifted up to the throne of the Lord .

 

God condones slavery. As long as the slave is not killed, it is perfectly okay with god if a man beats the shit out of his slaves, male or female.

 

Exodus 21:20 “If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, 21 but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property.

 

God orders another in a long history of senseless bloodthirsty slaughters:

 

Exodus 32:27 Then he said to them, “This is what the Lord , the God of Israel, says: ‘Each man strap a sword to his side. Go back and forth through the camp from one end to the other, each killing his brother and friend and neighbor.’ ”

 

God’s idea of a great Christmas gift:

 

Leviticus 26:22 I will send wild animals against you, and they will rob you of your children, destroy your cattle and make you so few in number that your roads will be deserted.

 

God condones and approves of cannabalism:

 

Leviticus 26:29 You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters.

 

Deuteronomy 28:53 Because of the suffering that your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the womb, the flesh of the sons and daughters the Lord your God has given you.

 

Jeremiah 19:9 I will make them eat the flesh of their sons and daughters, and they will eat one another’s flesh during the stress of the siege imposed on them by the enemies who seek their lives.’

 

Ezekiel 5:8 “Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I myself am against you, Jerusalem, and I will inflict punishment on you in the sight of the nations. 9 Because of all your detestable idols, I will do to you what I have never done before and will never do again. 10 Therefore in your midst fathers will eat their children, and children will eat their fathers. I will inflict punishment on you and will scatter all your survivors to the winds.

 

God condones human sacrifice:

 

Judges 11:30 And Jephthah made a vow to the LORD : “If you give the Ammonites into my hands, 31 whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the LORD ‘s, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering.”
32 Then Jephthah went over to fight the Ammonites, and the LORD gave them into his hands. 33 He devastated twenty towns from Aroer to the vicinity of Minnith, as far as Abel Keramim. Thus Israel subdued Ammon.
34 When Jephthah returned to his home in Mizpah, who should come out to meet him but his daughter, dancing to the sound of tambourines! She was an only child. Except for her he had neither son nor daughter. 35 When he saw her, he tore his clothes and cried, “Oh! My daughter! You have made me miserable and wretched, because I have made a vow to the LORD that I cannot break.”
36 “My father,” she replied, “you have given your word to the LORD . Do to me just as you promised, now that the LORD has avenged you of your enemies, the Ammonites. 37 But grant me this one request,” she said. “Give me two months to roam the hills and weep with my friends, because I will never marry.”
38 “You may go,” he said. And he let her go for two months. She and the girls went into the hills and wept because she would never marry. 39 After the two months, she returned to her father and he did to her as he had vowed. And she was a virgin.
From this comes the Israelite custom 40 that each year the young women of Israel go out for four days to commemorate the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite.

 

God kills 14,700 folks with a plague:

 

Numbers 16:49 But 14,700 people died from the plague, in addition to those who had died because of Korah.

 

God orders the killing of all boys. Kill every non-virgin woman. Save the virgins for yourselves. You can fuck them later. Nice god, eh?

 

Numbers 31:17 Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, 18 but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

 

God is pleased at the slaughter of men, women and children:

 

Deuteronomy 2:33 the Lord our God delivered him over to us and we struck him down, together with his sons and his whole army. 34 At that time we took all his towns and completely destroyed them-men, women and children. We left no survivors.

 

God commands the slaughter of everything living.

 

Deuteronomy 20:16 However, in the cities of the nations the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance, do not leave alive anything that breathes.

 

With god’s approval, Joshua destroys Jericho:

 

Joshua 6:21 They devoted the city to the Lord and destroyed with the sword every living thing in it-men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys.
22 Joshua said to the two men who had spied out the land, “Go into the prostitute’s house and bring her out and all who belong to her, in accordance with your oath to her.” 23 So the young men who had done the spying went in and brought out Rahab, her father and mother and brothers and all who belonged to her. They brought out her entire family and put them in a place outside the camp of Israel.
24 Then they burned the whole city and everything in it, but they put the silver and gold and the articles of bronze and iron into the treasury of the Lord ‘s house. 25 But Joshua spared Rahab the prostitute, with her family and all who belonged to her, because she hid the men Joshua had sent as spies to Jericho-and she lives among the Israelites to this day.
26 At that time Joshua pronounced this solemn oath: “Cursed before the Lord is the man who undertakes to rebuild this city, Jericho:

“At the cost of his firstborn son
will he lay its foundations;
at the cost of his youngest
will he set up its gates.”

27 So the Lord was with Joshua, and his fame spread throughout the land.

 

With god’s approval, Joshua kills everybody in Ai.

 

Joshua 8:22 The men of the ambush also came out of the city against them, so that they were caught in the middle, with Israelites on both sides. Israel cut them down, leaving them neither survivors nor fugitives. 23 But they took the king of Ai alive and brought him to Joshua.
24 When Israel had finished killing all the men of Ai in the fields and in the desert where they had chased them, and when every one of them had been put to the sword, all the Israelites returned to Ai and killed those who were in it. 25 Twelve thousand men and women fell that day-all the people of Ai.

 

The above is just a very small sample of the atrocities committed by god in the bible.

 

Isaiah 45:7 – I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

 

A good and loving god creates evil.

 

Isaiah 36:12 – But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words?  hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

 

Wow, they are willing to share their own shit and piss! Glory!

 

Jeremiah 25:29-33 For, lo, I begin to bring evil on the city which is called by my name, and should ye be utterly unpunished?  Ye shall not be unpunished: for I will call for a sword upon all the inhabitants of the earth, saith the LORD of hosts. Therefore prophesy thou against them all these words, and say unto them, The LORD shall roar from on high, and utter his voice from his holy habitation; he shall mightily roar upon his habitation; he shall give a shout, as they that tread the grapes, against all the inhabitants of the earth. A noise shall come even to the ends of the earth; for the LORD hath a controversy with the nations, he will plead with all flesh; he will give them that are wicked to the sword, saith the LORD. Thus saith the LORD of hosts, Behold, evil shall go forth from nation to nation, and a great whirlwind shall be raised up from the coasts of the earth. And the slain of the LORD shall be at that day from one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth: they shall not be lamented, neither gathered, nor buried; they shall be dung upon the ground.

 

God is pissed and predicts that he will kill everybody in a fit of rage with primitive weapons across the flat Earth. The slain of the Loving God will lay from one end of the flat Earth to the other end. Nobody will give a shit or bury them because there is no one left to care and then we shall actually BE shit on the ground. Wow, can’t you just feel the love of God? I’m getting chills but not the loving kind!

 

Jeremiah 25:37 – And the peaceable habitations are cut down because of the fierce anger of the LORD.

 

God destroyed peaceable habitations, slaughtering innocent folks in a fit of loving rage.

 

Ezekiel 4:1-12 Thou also, son of man, take thee a tile, and lay it before thee, and portray upon it the city, even Jerusalem: And lay siege against it, and build a fort against it, and cast a mount against it; set the camp also against it, and set battering rams against it round about. Moreover take thou unto thee an iron pan, and set it for a wall of iron between thee and the city: and set thy face against it, and it shall be besieged, and thou shalt lay siege against it.  This shall be a sign to the house of Israel. Lie thou also upon thy left side, and lay the iniquity of the house of Israel upon it: according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon it thou shalt bear their iniquity. For I have laid upon thee the years of their iniquity, according to the number of the days, three hundred and ninety days: so shalt thou bear the iniquity of the house of Israel. And when thou hast accomplished them, lie again on thy right side, and thou shalt bear the iniquity of the house of Judah forty days: I have appointed thee each day for a year. Therefore thou shalt set thy face toward the siege of Jerusalem, and thine arm shall be uncovered, and thou shalt prophesy against it. And, behold, I will lay bands upon thee, and thou shalt not turn thee from one side to another, till thou hast ended the days of thy siege. Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof. And thy meat which thou shalt eat shall be by weight, twenty shekels a day: from time to time shalt thou eat it. Thou shalt drink also water by measure, the sixth part of an hin: from time to time shalt thou drink. And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

 

The above story is silly, but it does say something about the character of God. He tells Ezekiel to bake Human Shit Cakes. Yummy!

 

Ezekiel 4:13-17 And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, whither I will drive them. Then said I, Ah Lord GOD!  behold, my soul hath not been polluted: for from my youth up even till now have I not eaten of that which dieth of itself, or is torn in pieces; neither came there abominable flesh into my mouth. Then he said unto me, Lo, I have given thee cow’s dung for man’s dung, and thou shalt prepare thy bread therewith. Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, behold, I will break the staff of bread in Jerusalem: and they shall eat bread by weight, and with care; and they shall drink water by measure, and with astonishment: That they may want bread and water, and be astonished one with another, and consume away for their iniquity.

 

Ezekiel gets to eat cakes made with cow patties. Everybody else gets Human Shit Cake. Bless the Lard! Isn’t He wonderful?

 

Malachi 2:3 – Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.

 

God is really in to shit, it would seem.

 

 

Hebrews 12:6 – For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

 

Bless the Lard! God whips the shit out of his sons! Glory!

 

1John 4:8 – He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

1John 4:16 – And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

 

John claims that God is love, but that claim sure isn’t backed up by much evidence!


2 comments on “The Character of the Bible God

  1. I’m sure glad that parents today don’t use God as a rolemodel for good parenting. We’d be in a lot of trouble. Imagine it when your kid steals a cookie out of the jar. “Kid, pack your things and get out of my house! You shall never be allowed back! Oh and by the way I curse you! You and all your generations beyond will suffer through to the end of time!”

    You can just imagine it too. Instead of putting some decent security around that cookie jar, which would have prevented the problem in the first place… the parent throws the kid out of home and THEN decides to put security in place. Not only that, but the parent curses all the cities cats, simply because a child hating adult (who the parent allowed into the house unsupervised) dressed up in a cat suit and told the poor kid it was safe to steal the cookie.

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